


Torn Apart, From the Inside

by yunor



Series: Shards To Life [1]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2667629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunor/pseuds/yunor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Rocket! Rocket calm down, you'll be fine!"<br/>"No Quill I won't..."<br/>"They're just dreams Rocket."<br/>"Peter... They're not dreams, they're... memories."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my new hobby story Torn Apart, From the Inside. I hope you guys like it and I hope I'll be able to keep writing it :D
> 
> Yours truly Yunor.
> 
> EDIT: So I've decided to make multiple short stories that will all be revolving around my Rocket/OC thing and each will have at least 3 chapters, one of which will be a prologue that will contain some backstory to Rocket and Jake.  
> Be sure to catch the next short story in the series of Shards To Life :D

"Sir he refuses to talk even after we administered the serum."

The room stank of moisture and steam pipes.

_Run..._

Dim lights flickered on and off, bathing the small engine room in a fake yellow glow. Inside the room were 3 people. All male. 2 of them older and the third, the one tied to the chair, was barely 18. The engine room wasn't very big, but it was big enough to be an improvised torture, I mean  _Interrogation_ room. Inside was a shambling chair upon which sat a tied up teenager with blood dripping down the left side of his mouth.

_Run..._

"Heh. You hit like a bitch-" The boy was backhanded by one of the interrogators.

"You don't talk unless you are talked to! Understand!" The one that hit him,  _Martinez_  I think his name was, said with a gruff Latino tone.

The boy looked up at the flickering light, his thought going adrift thanks to the severe pounding in his head. Letting his head fall forward, he let his eyes close and his thought run free, the drug he was injected with messing with his consciousness.

_Rocket..._

Now all he could see was darkness. His eyes were closed and he could not open them back up. All he could think about was darkness. Rocket... Alone in the darkness... Running.

The more he thought about this the more infuriated he got.  _Stronger... I need to be stronger!_ Teeth gritting, fists gripping tightly making blood start to drip from them slowly.

Breathing heavilly...

"Hey Sam. I think he's going into shock."  _Martinez_ said.

"Martin step back from him."

"Why Sam? Are you afraid of this little shit and his pet  _rodent_?"

His blood started boiling inside of his veins. The shards implanted into his body were beginning to flood him with power.

"Martin step back! He's glowing!" Sam yelled with distress and fear obvious in his voice.

_ROCKET RUN!_

His eyes shot open and both men in the room were frozen in fear. This boy, no this...  _monster_ , was looking at them with shining golden irises and a golden fog enveloping his entire being.

"Rocket run..." the boy whispered under his breath as the entire engine room filled with a bright golden light and soon after a loud and very bright explosion filled the entire building - The Laboratory on Strangers' Planet!

_Be free of this forsaken world!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right so this is my Prologue chapter to Torn Apart, From the Inside.
> 
> Yours truly Yunor.


	2. In a Land of Dreams, Fuelled by Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His body was trembling, whether it was from fear or adrenaline, he did not know.  
> All he knew was that this was not the first time his sleep was stolen by such emotions.

"YAAAAAH" His scream echoed through the silent hull of the Milano.

It was not long after midnight struck and thus most of the ships' crew was fast asleep as they orbited a barren planet to conserve fuel and minimize the possibility of being raided during their sleep. After his chest stopped collapsing in on itself he began regaining his focus and grasp on reality.  _It was just a dream..._ Sweat caused his fur to clump together and become hard as it evaporated leaving only salt and electrolytes on it. Rocket glanced around his room in fear of having woken up the others that rested on this ship besides him. But it was almost as if he was looking for something, no  _someone_ else. He closed his eyes, still feeling the raging heartbeat inside of his small furry frame, and his hands were tightly gripping the sheets that lay over his lower half.  _Come on Rocket, calm the fu-_

"I am Groot?" the potted creature, which was carefully placed next to his bead, sounded worried.

Rocket stiffened when he hear his (not so big) Flora Colossus speak. He has been loosing sleep for the past month and the only one who knew it was his lifelong friend  _Groot..._ Though he was sure Quill and the others were also noticing a change in his behaviour, a change that was tilting more and more towards obnoxious and paranoid. Rocket knew it wasn't his fault that he was plagued by nightmares every single time he fell asleep. His life was never a bed of roses and he did not pretend it ever was. But this was different.  _Very different._ Normally he could sleep at least a few hours a night before being awaken by some stupid noise one of his shipmates made, be it an unintentional bang on the wall or just Draxs' loud snoring.  _Heh, comes with the ears..._ No this was different indeed. Now every time Rocket fell asleep he could not be woken by anything or anyone except for his terrifying nightmares. Not that his sleep lasted long enough to matter. It was a maximum of an hour per night before his nightmares came on with full force. Only he wasn't so sure they were nightmares anymore...

"I am Groot?" the little Flora Colossus repeated, this time worry more profound in his tone.

Again Rocket was snapped out of his stupor of fright by his little friend.  _Answer him you idiot..._ Blink once. Twice. He couldn't move. Words did not leave his muzzle and his breath slowed to a halt. Blink once again. He was struggling to get air inside of his lungs.  _Hopeless..._ His body wanted to die. His mind wanted to sleep. His heart wanted to break. His little frame started to tremble slightly as lack of oxygen was making itself apparent to him. He couldn't move.  _You're hopeless..._ Fear started gripping him like the claws of anxiety he knew would never let go. It pierced his heart and kept going deeper. Eyes wide open. Not blinking anymore. A hitched breath.  _It's over..._ Another breath, this time deeper. And another. Eyes still refused to blink. He was staring at nothing. His body started shaking with queer sobs and sniffles as tears rolled down his cheeks.  _Calm down..._

His Floral friend could only watch with deep worry as his best friend was going through his daily struggle. It was the same every time he was woken up by his troubling dreams. And Groot knew he could do nothing to ease his furry friends turmoil. He could do nothing but look and hope his friend made it through another night...

Rocket looked at the time peace that was perched on the table next to Groot. It read 4:35 AM. He must've cried for much longer than he thought he had. It did not matter to him. Quill, Drax and Gamora would not be awake for at least another hour and that gave him enough time to calm down and clean himself up before he had to face the rest of his team. Rocket got off his bed, his every movement sluggish and void of life, and slowly made his way into the hallway of the Milano.  _Cold..._ He thought. He was cold in this empty stretch of barely heated machinery. Left. Left and straight. Second door on the right.  _Move..._ His mind comprehended the concept of the word move yet his body did not. He stood there whimpering in the cold of the dawning day. A few minutes passed and his body finally let him take small and slow steps towards the bathroom. Second door on the right. The door slid open as Rocket stood in front of it.  _Automated piece of crap..._ At least his grumpiness was replacing the empty feeling that was instilled by his nightly visions. He made his way inside the room and waited for the quiet sliding sound of the door closing behind him.  _So cold..._ He wrapped his arms around his small frame. Shaking slightly, both from being cold and from the feelings that were coursing through his heart and mind a few minutes prior, he wrapped his tail around himself to try and stop the shaking.  _You're pathetic..._ A scowl spread across his muzzle, hiding any sadness that may have shown itself. He could walk normally now. He could breathe steadily and his mind was now mostly stable.  _Always so cold..._ He wasn't cold anymore. He didn't feel it anyway. Walking to the sink he looked at himself in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes, from crying by himself, matter fur that made him look like some abandoned pet and the _scowling_. This was the expression that he wore everyday, with everyone he talked to, even himself. There was no room for a smile. If there was it would probably lead to sadness coming to the surface, and like Rocket wanted everyone to think he was a crybaby. It was enough that they thought of him as a freak, as nothing more then just a lab rat that got a lucky break and ran for it. His bloodshot eyes looked angrier by the minute. He wanted to leave this ship, to leave everyone he ever knew and go back to a time before he became  _sentient_. Fuck intelligence. He had it good when he was just a-  _Stop._ Rocket closed his eyes with a growl escaping his mouth. No he couldn't, he wouldn't remember this now.  _Remember him!_ Rocket gripped the sink with fury and gritted his teeth intensely.  _Remember what he did to you!._ NO! He closed his eyes tightly and growled louder.  _Remember what he did FOR you!_ Breathing stopped again. Not fear this time. Not nightmares, rather  _memories._ Running, tight corridors, smell of steam and rusted pipes. Open door. Empty ship.  _Have to run away..._ He managed to fly the ship off the planet. Bright light blinded his eyes. When he looked back he only saw the remnants of the planet in ruins, consumed by  _fire..._ His eyes shot open. Hands trembling, breath being inhaled shakily. Rocket looked at the mirror once again only to find himself looking at his memory of the burning planet.  _Blink it away..._ Blink once. Twice. The image is gone, replaced by his messy reflection. Time to start the day. The sun will brighten the ship up at any moment now. Can't be seen like this. Rocket splashed water over his face and quickly brushed his shiny teeth. The shaken expression was quickly replaced by his now standard scowl as he left the bathroom to start another painstakingly long day with his team mates. While he was walking back to his room to get dressed properly only one thing was plaguing his mind. Only one face and one name that once filled his life with hope when there was none.

" _Jake_ " Rocket whispered under his breath as he entered his room and started preparing for a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right so this is the First actual chapter of my story Torn Apart, From the Inside :D  
> I hope future chapters will be longer and more amusing to read but allas i write what i feel most appropriate at the time :D
> 
> Your truly Yunor.


	3. Be Quiet, Big Boys Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know how you must be fee-"  
> "How could you possibly know?! You're not some kind of freak. Nobody played mad scientist with you!"  
> 

Sitting on his bed and loosing himself in his solemn thoughts again, the raccoons' ears twitched slightly to the sound of a tape recording being pushed into the playback machine inside Quills' room. The arrogant humie asked him to rig a playback alarm clock, so that instead of the annoying beep they all hated so much, his Awesome Mix Vol. 1 would start playing instead.Rocket started imagining what it must be like to be able to sleep in a normally furnished room and not this makeshift storecloset he was currently settled in. He thought of how nice it must be to have a window, no scratch that, a source of light in your room and a comfortable bed would have been nice too. It would be nice for once if he was treated like a proper member of this so called _team_.  _It's been a shitty enough morning already..._ He pushed the depressing thoughts aside and found solace in the thought that he was at least able to create something that could keep his team mate happy. His little furry feet tapped along to the soothing beat of turning knobs and some bass instrument he couldn't identify. Before he realised what he was doing, he started humming along with the lyrics of Quills' song  _Ain't No Mountain High Enough_. The tune suddenly got louder.  _Ah Peter must have woken up._ The furry creature dared shew a small smile. The first thing his human team mate would do when he woke up to his new alarm clock would be to turn it as loud as he could and start off his morning with dancing. Drax and Gamora showed their annoyance at the same music that Quill played over and over again every morning, by trying to convince him to stop with scowls, threats or deadly and sharp pointy things, the latter two mostly on Gamoras' behalf. Here's the strange thing: Rocket was the easiest one to annoy yet he did not mind the same music at all. Before he met Peter Quill, a.k.a. Star Dork, Rocket didn't care about music or relaxation, only about units and the wellbeing of his floral friend Groot. But somehow, Peters' love for music and the escape it provided was something Rocket could not resist. He could literally listen his sadness away. He could hear the door to Star Dorks' room sliding open and a loud blast of  _IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M HOOKED ON A FEELING_ snapping him out of his state of contempt.

"Good morning guys" Peter said aloud as he exited his room and stood in the now sunlit corridor of the Milano.

The leader of the Guardians walked down the corridor with a goofy smile plastered across his face like every morning. It had become his habbit to knock on the door of every room in which a member of his team resided. Well  _almost_ every room. He knew, they all knew, something was bothering their furry friend and the only thing they could come up with to do without agitating him further was to give him some space. Rocket knew they meant no harm, but he couldn't help but feel alienated and alone. He could hear two sets of knocks, one on Draxs' room and the other on Gamoras'. Then he heard footsteps come towards his door only to halt right in front of it. He expected a knock or something but the only thing he could hear was the background noise of Peters' tape playing in his room. His ears started drooping when he realised that he wouldn't get the privilege of being checked on and he lowered his head to conceal the stinging feeling his eyes were notifying him of. He tried to push the painful feeling of loneliness down and put up his annoyed bravado but he failed miserably as small droplets started staining the lower half of his suit. Rocket was approaching the peak of his emotional tolerance quickly. The dreams, the nightmares, the memories and the feeling of being lonely kept piling up and he kept bottling it all, trying not to let it get to him. But right now, when he needed reassurance that he wasn't alone, none came. And then all of the repressed emotions, the sorrow and grief came pouring out, darkening his heart and causing pain worse than any bodily injury could provoke. The only indication that something was destroying him inside were the stiffled sobs and the steady stream of tears that wouldn't stop pouring.  _You're pathetic..._ He didn't care that his potted friend could see his weakened state, nor did he care if anyone else could hear his sobs. Rocket just wanted somebody that cared about him, someone that would make him feel wanted. _  
_

On the other side of the door stood Peter. He stood there motionless and listened. He didn't know why he didn't knock or why he was still standing here, his body just did not move when he willed it to. And then he heard it. He heard _him._ The real him, not the fake smiles or the forced laughter that barely passed as authentic. No, he heard the pain that Rocket was in, he felt like he was being let in on everything that was bothering his friend and in turn made him feel sad. Sad for not realising it all sooner, for leaving him alone when in truth he needed them most. Peter felt sympathy for the little creature. And then he knocked.

 =============================

After hearing what he so desperately wanted, no  _needed_ to hear, Rocket was frozen on his bed. He couldn't let them see him in a state like this. He tried wiping his tears away but that only resulted in him matting up his fur even more. There was nothing he could do to make Peter go away now. And there was nothing he could do to make him think he was alright. Rocket was a mess and he knew it.  _Maybe..._ If only he could be sure that was how it would go. Before he could make something,  _anything_ up that could lessen the damage that would be caused, he heard the door to his room softly slide open. Inside the doorway stood Peter Quill in all his  _might and glory_. Rocket tried to suck it all up and face the man like he has done for the past month but all that he could muster up was a broken up and shakily drawn breath.

"Morning rocket!" Peter said as cheerfully as if he had seen nothing. He thought that maybe if he acted like he didn't see the raccoon crying Rocket would have an easier time with all that was bothering him.

Little did the star lord know, but what he had just done, pushed rockets' distress away, was worse than not even bothering to come in the first place.

"Get the fuck out of here Quill." Without looking at Peter, Rocket growled lowly to let the other party know that he had done something very wrong. A slight grimace of hurt flashed across Peters' face but was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Come on buddy, what's bothering you?" he tried to approach the bed, upon which his furry friend was currently sitting. Rockets' growl intensified and Peter stopped dead in his tracks. Rocket reluctantly looked up at his  _friend_ and Peter could see all the hurt, sadness and pain that was reflected in those big and wet eyes that were piercing him with a steady glare.

"Stop pretending like you care." His voice was dripping with venom in an attempt to conceal what was already apparent to Peter. Rocket was hurting and he needed somebody to confide in.

"Rocket..." Peter said with a soft tone, "Ofcourse I care. You're a member of this team." Smiling, he resumed his previous course towards his friend. Step after step, the distance between them was closing in and Rocket was becoming aware of how truly vulnerable he was right now. He _hated_ this feeling. He was so used to bearing his own pain alone that needing somebody was completely foreign to him. He wanted so badly to be able to do this on his own, yet somehow he was glad that Peter was here for him. He wanted to show his gratitude, but just like a curse, his turmoil reminded him that they  _abandoned_ him, like he was some kind of rodent. Rocket gritted his teeth together fiercely,  _like hell you do Quill..._

"Then where were you yesterday? Where were you last week?! Why weren't you here WHEN THIS ALL STARTED!" Rocket yelled at the top of his lungs, tears slowly stinging his eyes as a new and steady stream flowed down his cheeks.

"If you gave even half a shit about me why did you leave me alone when you  _knew_  I wasn't okay?" His voice died down as he finished talking, his ears pressed flat against his skull and tear drops staining his bedroom floor. 

"Rocket..." Peter was for the first time in his life, speechless. It was true. He realised something was off about his friend yet he did not pry into his personal life, whether out of respect or simple lack of curiosity he did not know.

"Save it Quill. You're just like everyone else. As long as the little _freak_ doesn't bother you it's none of your business." All of the sorrow he felt earlier came back full force and Rocket let out a few repressed sobs as he turned away from Peter.

"Rocket don't say that... please." Peter begged his friend. He knew he had done something wrong and the human wanted to apologise for causing so much pain to his team mate, to his  _friend_.

"I know something is bothering you Rocket and I know how you must be fee-"

"How could you possibly know?! You're not some kind of freak. Nobody played mad scientist with you!" The little furry creature retorted with both anger and sorrow evident in his voice. He never wanted this life. His past, at least the part of it when he gained sentience, was a constant nightmarish reminder of how cruel and fucked up this galaxy could be. Ever since he escaped that cursed planet where he was held captive and used as a test subject for extremely  _fucked up_ experiments, people - all of them - had been making fun of him, because of the fact he was a talking raccoon that begged for food, because he had nowhere to go. Because he was an  _animal_ that could walk like a man, yet could not afford decent clothes. Because he could  _talk_ , but he could not  _speak_. Because he was so frightened of this galaxy and all the horrors in it. They all made fun of him because he wasn't  _normal_. Because he was a  _freak_ , by their standards he was nothing more than a  _monster_.

Rocket gestured to himself and spoke softly with a broken voice "I never wanted this Quill. Believe it or not I would have been happier as a mindless vermin for the rest of my life.". And this was it, his breaking point. The threshold that kept all of his sadness repressed had now been crossed and Peter was witness to it all. A couple of sobs and sniffles was all that broke the silence which had rooted itself among the two.

Without saying a word, Peter closed the distance between the two and embraced Rocket in a tight and comforting hug. There were so many things he wanted to tell his friend and the only way he knew how was to show him that he  _mattered_. To make him realise, he was  _important_ to somebody. To show him that somebody  _cared_.

Fur standing on edge, eyes tightly closed, heart shattering into a millenia of thoughts past and present, Rocket could not comprehend what drove him to return the show of affection. He could not understand why he so  _willingly_ embraced the human nor how this simple act managed to calm the fury of his emotional storm. All that Rocket knew, right then and there, was that his existence  _mattered_. He wanted to stop his tears but he could not do so. They flowed freely not because he was sad and alone, but because someone cared enough to comfort him when he needed it most. The hug was tightened and Rocket burried his furry face into Peters' neck and whispered quietly "Thank you  _Peter_..."

 

_Thank you so much..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for staying with this story as it progresses further :3
> 
> Yours truly Yunor


End file.
